The World Will Change Again
by divinenanny
Summary: What if you take away the very reason of living for CC Babcock, her business? What will happen?


The world will change again

**The world will change again**

by: Sara van Bussel  
feedback: as review or [e-mail][1]  
setting: see below  
rating: g  
keywords: angst and romance - Niles/CC  
summary: Song fic

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The situation at the beginning of this story:  
The Sheffields, Niles and CC have all moved to California to produce Maxwell and CC's TV show based on The Widower. Niles and CC have not married, in fact the whole sixth season included no Niles and CC moments. CC lives in an apartment near by. It's now the end of the first season of "The Widower".  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Always remember my friend  
The world will change again  
And you may have to come back  
Through everywhere you've been  
  
June 17th 2001 - California - Sheffield's Mansion  
"Maxwell, CC, I am very sorry. But the ratings just weren't good enough. We had next to no viewers in the 18-49 male demographic, and those are the viewers the sponsors wanted. And if the female viewers had been big, but they aren't. The sponsors and the board of directors don't want to take the risk of an even worse second season. I'm sorry, but the show won't be picked up next season." Mr. Moonves blew out a cloud of cigar smoke. He was glad he wouldn't have to see their faces.  
Maxwell and CC were in the office at home listening to Mr. Moonves excuses. They knew there was this possibility, but they both were stunned anyhow.   
"Thank you for calling us Mr. Moonves. I guess we will get an official notification?" CC asked, ever the business woman. Maxwell was crushed, the show had been his personal project, and now it was over.  
"Of course Miss Babcock, it will be on your desk in the morning. Thank you for working with us, even though it didn't work out."  
"Thank you too. Goodbye." CC pushed hang up and looked at Maxwell. He was looking ahead, day dreaming. "Snap out of it Maxwell. We knew this was coming, we never won a night since January."  
Maxwell looked at CC. He knew what he was going to do know, Fran and he had spoken about it a million times. Without her he wouldn't know what to do, but now he did. And CC? That was the only thing he wasn't sure about.  
"What are we doing now Maxwell?" CC asked. She wanted to stop this foolish TV business and go back to doing what they did best, producing smash hit Broadway shows.  
"CC, Fran and I have discussed this many times…. We… We want to stay here. The babies have their place here and it would be very though on Gracie to move again now she is finally settled here. I don't know what I'll do, maybe I'll just quit working all together, I don't know. I want to spend more time with Fran and the kids, so that is a good idea. You can always stay here if you want."  
"I… I don't know Maxwell. What would I do?" CC knew this would be coming one day, and now it had happened. Maxwell no longer needed her. He would let her go. Just like that her life would be over. Because, lets face it, Sheffield - Babcock productions was her life. She had no friends, no hobbies. Even on Sunday's she would work here. And now, he was taking that away. She couldn't blame him, she had seen him loosing interest. But still…  
"Think about it CC. I'll tell Fran the news." Maxwell left the office.  
CC stared ahead. Of course she wasn't stupid, she had known for a long time know the show was running on it's end. But the fact that Maxwell would leave the business all together and stay here? She didn't want to think about it. He had offered her an opportunity to stay, but as what? The drunk that came over everyday? The house ghost? She knew she wouldn't do that. Besides, she hated California. Oh, it was ok for a vacation, but a year here had made her crazy. She missed New York and the rushes, traffic jams, criminal acts and harsh people. That was her town, not this…. California. She wanted to go back.  
But at this point going back meant going back alone. No Sheffields. No job. Nothing. She would be alone. She would love to get back at producing Broadway shows, but without Maxwell?  
She heard the office door open and saw Niles enter. Oh great, a verbal attack from rubber maid. Just what she needed. It would probably the last time, she would leave for New York as soon as she could.  
"You look like your lover has died. Considering Dracula has been dead for a long time, this is not a look that suits you." Niles said when he saw the semi-sad look on her face. It wasn't fully sad, but it wasn't happy either.  
"Can it Niles. For once just leave me alone. Well, you should be happy now." CC looked at him. She would miss him so. The quick remarks, the insults, and the jokes. The way he raised his eyebrow. His accent. The way he smelled. He didn't know it, but the handkerchief he had given her a year ago when she left, sprayed with Lemon Pledge, she still had it. It reminded her of him.   
"Why? I'm never happy when I am with you."  
"I'm leaving. You don't have to see me again. Ever." CC looked at him, to see how he reacted. At first he seemed shocked. He looked at her, but when their eyes met he quickly looked away. His reaction shocked her.  
"Good. It'll finally bring peace in this house. I am glad I don't have to see you ever again." He sounded almost angry. Then he left without looking at her.  
She felt tears coming up. She knew he didn't like her, but was it this bad? That he thought she was the source of all the troubles in this house? That he would be glad to never ever see her again?   
But why her tears? It wasn't like he was her friend either. Then she realized it. He was. He was the closest thing she would ever have as a friend. She knew everything about him. And he knew everything about her. There was nothing she could keep from him.   
And now he reacted like this? So angry? Why angry? CC sighed and packed her stuff. She didn't want to figure things out. She wanted to go. Back to New York. Back home. Though it would never be the same. Without Niles, without Maxwell. She went to search for Maxwell. She found him in the kitchen, helping Fran feed the twins.   
"Maxwell, I made my decision. I am sorry, but I'm going back to New York, even if you stay here. I want to go back home, maybe try again on Broadway, I don't know." CC looked at them, feeling more sure about her decision every minute. They didn't need her, they were happy enough without her.   
"CC, we are staying here. Are you sure?" Maxwell said.  
"Yes Maxwell. If you'll let me I'll pick up our company there, maybe make it a double based company, I don't know. I just want to go back home."  
"We'll discuss business later. When will you leave?"  
"As soon as possible. I called the airline, and they will call when somebody doesn't show or cancels. That could be as soon as this evening."  
"OK, look CC, if you need any help, ask Niles, I'll tell him to help you. Business can be discussed over the phone. I guess this is goodbye then?"  
"I guess so. We'll probably see each other again soon, when everything is settled." CC said uneasy. She was never good at good-bye's, and now, after Niles' awkward reaction… She didn't feel at ease.   
Fran rose and hugged CC. "Miss Babcock, I know we have never been good friends, but I'll miss you. Take care."  
Maxwell gave CC a short hug, and said uneasy. "Well, goodbye then."  
"Goodbye." CC left the kitchen to pack some last things in the office and then leave. When she entered the office she saw Niles there. It took all her strength not to turn around and leave right that minute. She silently started packing her things.  
Niles turned around at the sounds. "Are you still here?" He said with an annoyed tone.  
CC decided to give what she got, "Yes, and you? Haven't you turned to dust yet?"  
"No, unlike you, I can handle sunlight." He turned around and looked at her.  
"Not like we can see, you are as white as a ghost."  
"Maybe you scare me so much."  
They got closer, but neither of them noticed.  
"Me? Come on, nothing ever scares you Niles."   
"You do." He was almost touching her now. "Why are you leaving?"  
"I have nothing here Niles. Nothing. At least in New York I know where I stand. I know people there, people know me. I… I want to go back home."  
"Is there nothing here? Surely Mr. Sheffield will want to try again with TV?"  
"No he won't. And he won't go back to New York either. I just can't take it anymore Niles. They are a happy family, I mean nothing to them. When I can't work here I don't know what to do. I want to go…"  
Niles turned around. He was hoping this would never happen. And now she was leaving. And he didn't even get to tell her… What? That he loved her? She would laugh in his face. He felt her hand on his shoulder.  
"Are you ok Niles?"  
He whipped it off. "Of course. Couldn't be happier now you are finally leaving. Why aren't you gone yet?" He hated to do this, for as he turned around he saw the tears in her eyes.  
She quickly blinked them away. "I'm going now. Bye Niles."  
"Want a broom so you can leave sooner?" He said sarcastically.   
She couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "Why do you do this Niles?" She whispered as she was standing in the door post.  
"I hate you. That's why. I hate you." He spat out. He didn't look at her, he knew what he would see. The tears would be rolling down her cheeks now. Why? She hated him too. She never cared before. Maybe she was just frustrated about leaving her dream of marrying Maxwell behind.  
CC ran through the living room to the front door. She quickly got into her car and drove home, where she packed a few important things and left. She didn't care if there was no plane ticket yet, she didn't want to stay one moment longer than necessary. She'd buy a ticket off somebody if necessary.   
She drove to the airport and parked her car in long term parking. She ran inside and tried every airline. After a few she was lucky, they booked her for the next flight. That evening she would be back in her city.  
  
Niles sat defeated in his room. She had really left. He had called her apartment to apologize, but she didn't answer. She had already left.   
What would he do know? He was lost, he felt like he had no purpose anymore. He realized now that all this time he had been living on the dream of one day living with and loving CC Babcock. And now? She had gone, and his last words had been 'I hate you'. How could he have been so stupid?  
  
When your life was low  
You had nowhere to go  
People turned their backs on you  
Everybody said that you where through  
  
September 25th 2001 - Somewhere in Central Park New York  
CC sat on a bench feeding the birds. Things had not gone according to plan. Without Maxwell's charm she couldn't produce a play if her life depended on it. And without her fame and reputation, her 'friends' had been quick to disappear too. They had not liked the fact that she had left for California. So now she was here, all alone. She didn't have anybody left. The Sheffields had gone up in their own life, Niles didn't want to speak to her, she didn't have any friends, family she never had. Her life was in shambles.  
Of course, she had the money, she could support herself. But what for? She didn't have anything to do. She had no goals, no dreams.   
Well, she had dreams, but even with her bank account she couldn't get what she want. What she wanted most at this very moment was Niles. She wished he would hold her, make it all better. Make her feel loved and wanted.   
Not like she was feeling now, like nobody needed her. Now she could see how foreigners might see the town. Cold, heartless, unpersonal.   
She spent her days in the park watching people and animals have fun. Have a life.   
She so wanted to go back a few years. When they were still successful. When they were still all here. When things were as they should be.  
CC got up and walked home. She didn't have her old apartment anymore, the building kicked her out. Only successful people allowed there. She rented a small apartment in one of the town houses surrounding Central Park. She loved the nature and calmness in the park.  
When she crossed the street she saw a man walking on the other side of the street. He was about Niles' size. He had Niles' build. Niles' style of dressing. But it couldn't be him. She had seen men like him all the time, and always had she dreamed it was him. And this would be like all the other times. She wouldn't make a fool of herself today. She walked into the building and took the elevator to her apartment.  
  
Niles couldn't stand it. A whole summer without her and he was going nuts. Maxwell and Fran were so happy that now they were a family they did everything themselves. Maxwell cooked, they took care of everything. Niles just lived there and spent his days on the beach or in the gym. But without CC he had no goals, no dreams. He needed her like he needed air to breath.   
So he quit his easy life with the Sheffield's and went to New York to find her. He had soon found out that the Broadway producing had not been successful. Her 'friends' had slammed the door in his face when he mentioned her name. He was thrown out of her building when he told them who he was looking for. Apparently she had been spat out by the society of New York. She was nobody anymore.  
He had wondered the streets for the rest of the days. He had no idea where to look now. So he decided that in a city of millions of people, he would just have to have the luck to bump into her. He had rented an apartment and looked for her during the day.  
Night had fallen, and still no sign of her. He thought he might have seen her coming out of Central Park this afternoon, but that couldn't have been her. The woman seemed distracted, and looked downwards so Niles couldn't see her face. But she had long blonde hair in a braid. Her clothes were classy, but comfortable. She looked like CC, but wasn't quite her. Besides, CC had never been to Central Park except to the Tavern. And that was no where near. No, that wasn't her, just his imagination playing with him.   
He decided to go back to his apartment, and eat something. Then he would go out to bars CC used to hang out. He hoped she wasn't kicked out of them yet.  
  
CC decided to go out that night. She needed to mingle. See people. She wanted to get rid of this lonely feeling. She walked into the bar she used to go all the time when she still lived here. When she still had a life. Well, it was good nobody here ever knew who she was.   
She walked over to the bar and ordered a Pepsi. Another part of her new life style. Instead of drowning her sorrows in liquor, she decided to suffer. Why, she didn't know.  
She had listened to the music and the conversation for an hour now. No man had even made as much as a pass on her. And there where enough singles to go around. She sighed and decided to go home. Maybe she'd rent a movie or something.   
When she wanted to go through the door she bumped into someone. Without looking up she knew it was Niles. She could feel it. The way he moved, the way he smelled. The reaction her body was giving.   
She looked up in his eyes. He was so gorgeous right now. The only man she ever wanted. And he was looked extremely happy to have bumped into her. He was even smiling. And his eyes…. They were so deep, filled with emotion.   
"Niles?" She whispered. She hugged him. She didn't care what he thought, she just wanted to hold him and never let go.  
"Is it really you CC?" He said. She felt his voice go through his body and smiled. Then he laughed. "CC? You might want to move a little, we are blocking the doorway. Lets go someplace else."  
  
I took you in  
Made you strong again  
I put you back together  
Out of all the dreams you left along the way  
  
October 10th 2001- Niles' apartment  
Niles had taken her to his apartment. It didn't have much furniture or possessions, but it had the one thing CC needed the most. Niles.  
Without mention of their past, their fights and the terrible good bye they had shared they had started over. By just caring for her, spending the day with her, he had brightened her life.   
They weren't involved, there was no need for romance. That would be too much too soon for CC, and Niles was contend with the way things were now.   
They were walking through the park on a bright sunny Wednesday. The park was relatively calm and quiet. They decided to sit down and have a drink.   
"CC? It's time for us to make some plans. Definite plans. Remember what you told me about that law education that was going to waste?"  
"Yes, what about it?"  
"Don't you want to do something with it?"  
"Sure, but what? Everybody hates me now, I am nobody. And I don't want to start at the bottom of the ladder in a big firm. I am too old for that."  
"But the two of us?"  
"You?"  
"Yes, I have an Oxford degree in law. What do you say we work together. Build a company. Specializing in show business law."   
"Show business law?"  
"Yes, you are already specialized in it, and you could teach me. Together we would be perfect. And it will keep us connected to our first love, the theater."  
"Smart. And how do we get in?"  
"We'll be new. Don't use your name. Use some new name. Maybe sue a big shot like Andrew Lloyd Webber. And win. That will get us in."  
"Andrew Lloyd Webber? Are you nuts? Do you know the lawyers that man has?"  
"Once you would have grabbed him by the balls and he would have given you the rights to the Phantom. You can do this CC."  
"And it is what I want. And what I do best. Are you sure you are up to it? I mean you haven't practiced law in a lot of years now."  
"I took my bar exam here last summer. I knew I couldn't stay with the Sheffields."  
"You have been planning this?"  
"Kinda. But only if I could get you to do it with me."  
"Are you serious? I mean… after…" CC looked away. The last time she saw him in California was something she had thought about everyday. During the time she spent at his home he hadn't mentioned it.  
"After what? CC? What's wrong?" Niles put his hand on her shoulder. "CC? Please turn around."  
"I… The last time… You.." CC sighed.   
"I did what CC? What did I do wrong?"  
"The last time I saw you in California." CC turned around to see if he remembered. By the look on his face he did. He looked at her with regret in his eyes.  
"I… I'm sorry about that CC. I really am." Niles looked like a young puppy.  
CC knew she couldn't hold it against him. But still… "I know you are Niles. But why? Why did you want to hurt me so much?"   
"I never did, but you hurt me so much by leaving. I was angry at you. I knew I shouldn't be, I knew you had no reason to stay. But still…"  
"If you had given me a reason to stay…" CC said hinting. She knew he must like her, they were friends now. But even though she was living with him, they hadn't even kissed. And she knew he was more to her than a friend, even a best friend. But she was scared to make the first move. What if she scared him away?  
"Like what? My own life wasn't exactly too interesting, besides, you hate me."  
"I don't Niles…. Ooh, I don't know. Why did we behave like we did for the past years?"  
"I don't know CC. On the one hand I wish we never did all that, and on the other it was, and maybe still is part of who we are. Our pasts, our personalities make us the way we are. I don't know if we would've been here if we hadn't done the things we did."  
"I know you are right… But still I regret most of the things I said to you, and I wished there were some things you didn't say to me."  
"Me too. Let me just say now that whatever I said that hurt you, I am sorry. And whatever you did to hurt me, I forgive you."  
"Me too. Niles? I want to do this with you. The law firm. And I know a name already. Barrington lawyers."  
Niles looked at her curiously. "You know? And I tried to keep it from you."  
"I know. But I have know since even before I started working for Maxwell. I did an employer check on him, and it included a list of his employees. First and last name."  
"And you never mentioned it?"  
"Why should I? I liked just Niles better. Like Cher." She smiled. "But do you agree on the name?"  
"Yes, of course. Thanks CC."  
"No, thank you for doing all this for me." CC said.  
  
You left me shining  
Now you're doing well  
From stories I hear tell  
You own the world again  
Everybody's your friend  
Although I never hear from you  
Still it's nice to know  
You used to love me so  
When your life was low  
  
May 1st 2002 - New York  
They were very successful. Like Niles said, they gained their popularity by suing Andrew Lloyd Webber, and winning. Now they were one of the most promising and most wanted law duo in the city.  
CC had moved out of Niles' apartment a few weeks after they set up their law practice. Seeing each other all day, and all night was more than CC could handle at the moment. Niles was reluctant to let her go, and as it turned out, he had every right to be.  
Being at the top again gave fuel to her old personality, and it resurfaced. Gradually the soft, nice CC disappeared, and even though she was never harsh or cruel to Niles again, it wasn't the same.   
She ran the business, commanding everybody, including Niles. They were back on their spots on the social ladder again. CC on top, and Niles anywhere, as long as it was below her. They grew apart. At the beginning they went out to dinner together, and sometimes, when it got bad, when they lost a case or someone brought up the past, CC would stay at Niles' place. But later on that all stopped too. CC had tasted success again, and wanted more. Niles didn't, and that was the main cause.   
So it was no surprise to Niles that when she finally got an interesting offer from Andrew Lloyd Webber, she took it. She went to his firm as the boss of the law department.   
She left Niles without a word. There was an e-mail in his inbox the morning after she had gotten it.  
  
Dear Niles  
  
I took the offer. The firm is now yours.  
  
CC  
  
That was it. Not even a mention of thanks. She left without personally telling him. She had left the firm they started together. The firm that had made her big again.   
  
A few days later Niles read in the paper how CC had gotten back into her old club of 'friends'. It seemed she had forgotten the months she had spent with Niles. Where she had told him that now she knew what true friendship was, she never wanted to go back to the shallow friends she used to have. She had also gotten back to her apartment. Her old life was back, with the exception of Niles.  
He missed her terribly. During the months she spent at his apartment they were close but never as close as Niles wanted them to be. He gave her space to take her own decisions. He wanted her to be his. His girlfriend, wife, lover. Whatever. His.   
And it seemed that it was going to happen too. They had gotten closer and closer. Until the case. They won, and were an instant hit. Everybody wanted a piece of them, and CC loved it. She smelled it, the old smell of success. Niles was placed back on the priority list, and later just deleted. She didn't care anymore.  
She did care before. Niles was sure of it. The talk they had had about the time he told her he hated her. She was hurt. That meant that he meant something to her. And sometimes she would look at him when she thought he wouldn't notice, and then he would see the love and caring in her eyes. But never did she make a move about it.  
  
If I close my eyes,  
take my time,  
I can almost feel your lips against mine.  
If I close my eyes,  
drift away,  
I can almost see us back there smiling.  
  
But it's too late, it's too late.  
Baby, I can't reach you.  
It's too late, too late.  
We've drifted out too far.  
I don't know where love goes  
or how we might have saved it,  
I only know it's gone.  
It's time that we moved on.  
It's too late.  
  
No use going on.  
No more crying.  
Stand outside ourselves and watch love dying.  
  
July 25th 2002 - New York - Some party  
Niles dreaded going to this party, like he had dreaded every party since CC left. But since he was part of this new show through his firm, he needed to be there. He went alone, there was no one important enough to him to be his date. No one but CC.  
He knew he should move on, she was never coming back. But he couldn't. 15 years of his life he had devoted to this woman. For 15 years he hadn't even thought about someone else. And now? He just couldn't stop loving her.  
He went inside and immediately regretted it. Because there, on the other side of the room he saw CC, and holding her by the arm was the gorgeous lead actor of the show.  
She looked gorgeous. She was wearing a black dress that revealed a lot. It had a low neck line, and an even lower back. The slit was very high. Never in his life had he been more jealous.  
And to his great horror the man came walking to him, taking CC with him. Niles tried to walk away, but the actor was determined.  
"Mr. Barrington! Wait, let me introduce my girlfriend to you!" He shouted after Niles.  
To avoid making a scene he turned around. And his eyes locked with CC. He had to so everything he could to hold himself back from taking her in his arms. There wasn't anything in the world he wanted more right now than CC.   
"Yes Kurt? Who is this gorgeous lady by your side?" Niles looked CC up and down. When his eyes were back on her face again she blushed. CC actually blushed.   
"This is CC Babcock, Mr. Barrington. She's the head of ALW's law department. We have been dating for 2 weeks now." Kurt smiled to CC, who smiled back politely.   
Niles knew from the look on her face that she was just dating him to show the world, and him, that she still could. And maybe to see his reaction. She knew he would be here, it was a deal that was made when she was still with their firm.  
"Miss Babcock, nice to meet you." Niles decided to play dumb. Later they would talk.  
"Nice to meet you too. How are you?" CC said politely. She felt extremely uncomfortable. She had no idea how he felt now, about how she had left him and the fact that she left him.   
"I am fine. Some personal troubles after my partner left our firm, but that may soon be solved."  
"How?" CC wondered if he had met someone else. At the thought her heart hurt so terribly that she had to swallow down a lump in her throat.   
"Haven't you heard? After this show I am selling my firm to Andrew Lloyd Webber and quit the business."  
CC gasped. He would quit what they had built? She looked at him, but all she saw was a defeated tired man. "Oh really. Interesting. Listen, Kurt, can you get me a drink from the bar?" CC said to Kurt. She wanted to speak to Niles alone.  
"Sure honey baby, be right back." Kurt said. He gave CC a kiss and left.  
"Honey baby?" Niles said sarcastically.   
"He is sweet Niles. Shove it."  
"I'm sure he is." Niles turned around to walk away. This conversation had a potential to get very ugly very quickly, and he'd rather not pursue it.  
"Niles wait." CC put her hand on his shoulder.   
He slowly turned around. "What CC? What do you have to say to me know that you couldn't say when you left? That you couldn't say through the phone? That you couldn't say when you picked up your stuff? What?"  
CC swallowed. She had that coming. "You are quitting? Selling the firm?"  
"Yes. In case you forgot, I said I would only go into law if you would be my partner. Now there is no use for me anymore. So I sold the firm to Andrew Lloyd Webber. I am surprised you didn't know yet. But then again, I didn't use my name, and it was only done today."  
"So our firm is no more." CC sighed. Her months with Niles were now officially in the past.  
"MY firm is no more." Niles said cruelly. He turned around and left. He hated to do it, but he would either cry or scream if she would say more.  
CC stood there in the middle of the room filled with people, and she never felt more alone. True, she had left Niles months before. But now he had left her. There was no going back. And she was sure he really hated her now.   
Kurt returned with the drinks, but CC had no attention for him. She ran out the room after Niles. She had to find him. Make everything ok. Though she had no idea how.  
  
'Cause it's too late, it's too late.  
Baby, I can't hold you.  
It's too late, too late.  
Now time will take it's toll.  
I don't know where love goes  
or how we might have saved it.  
I only know it's gone.  
It's time that we moved on.  
It's too late.  
  
In my dreams we turn it back around  
and the love we lost is found,  
and I hand it all to you.  
But I know I'm only dreamin'.  
It's too late. Ahhhhh, too late.  
  
Should I stay, should I wait,  
should I stand here by your door?  
I don't know what for.  
You don't live here anymore.  
And it's too late.  
My little baby.  
Yeah-ahhh, it's too late.  
It's too late.   
  
December 24th 2005 - New York  
But she never did find him. After a few weeks she forgot about him again. Work swallowed her, and she fully devoted herself to it. She made 80 to a 100 hours a week. Sometimes she dated. She made new contacts. But sometimes she would think about that year with Niles again. What she had done wrong. How many chances he gave her. And how she blew every single one of them. Sometimes she went back to his, their, apartment, but he had long since moved out. No one knew where he was, not even the Sheffields. His parents knew, but wouldn't tell.   
CC was doing Christmas shopping for her colleagues. She had become softer over the years. But one thing had never changed. She would be alone on Christmas eve. She would stay home and go to bed early. There was nobody she wanted to spend Christmas with except Niles.   
Sometimes she was worried sick for him. 3 years it had been. And he could be hurt, dead, very ill. Anything. And she would never know. And he would never know how she felt, and how sorry she was.   
She had made a list in her head of things she had to say to him. She had also written numerous letters to send to him the minute she found out his address.  
Of course, she could always hire a private detective to find him for her. She had the influence and the money. But if he didn't want her to know where she was, it was no use. That would only hurt the both of them.   
CC had not only changed on the inside. On the outside as well. She had let her hair grow long, and made changes in her wardrobe. She didn't care for design anymore, comfort was the key. That basically went for everything in her life. Her so called friends she had left behind. She was alone in every sense of the word.   
When she thought about it, she was right back where she used to be. When Niles had saved her. But he wouldn't save her now, she had made sure of that.  
She was walking through FAO Schwarz to pick out a few toys for new born son of a colleague. Then she saw him. Her heart stopped. She let everything in her hands fall. Tears appeared in her eyes.   
Because he was not alone. On his arm was a gorgeous woman. She was about as tall as CC, but she had long red hair. Niles was smiling. The woman was pregnant, and the baby would soon be born…   
She saw the wedding ring shining on the woman's hand. So he was married. He had moved on. Of course he had, she had made sure that he had no hope that they would ever get together.   
She noticed people staring at her. She must have looked ridiculous, standing in the middle of a pile of cuddly toys crying. Everybody saw her but Niles. She quickly picked up the toys she dropped and paid. She ran outside. She didn't know where to go, what to do. She sat on the wall besides the exit. She looked at the limousines passing by and stopping at the Plaza. The romantic couples in the chariots.   
"CC?"   
It was Niles. He had recognized her. What was she going to do now? She couldn't run away. But to face him. His wife? She didn't know if she could. She felt his hand on her shoulder. She knew she couldn't resist, so she looked up in his wonderful eyes.   
"CC? What… Oh my…" Niles stammered. She looked gorgeous, yet so sad.   
"Hi Niles. Long time no see." More tears fell down at the thought that she was finally seeing him again. He was ok.   
"CC… Let me introduce my friend Erica. Erica, this is CC."  
Erica looked at CC and smiled. "I heard a lot about you. Let me leave you two alone, it seems you have a lot to talk about."  
"Erica.." Niles started to protest.  
"No Niles, I'll get a cab home. I'll call you later." She walked to the curb and called a cab.   
Niles sighed.  
CC looked at him. She had missed him so much. And now he was here, and it seemed he dreaded to talk to her. "You can leave Niles. You don't have to talk to me just because Erica says so. I mean, I would understand." She got up to leave.   
"CC wait. That's not what… Please don't leave?" He said. They looked at each other. "Let's grab some coffee somewhere. We do need to talk." Niles offered her his hand and she accepted.  
  
Old friend, here we are,  
after all the years and tears  
and all that we've been through.  
It feels so good to see you.  
Lookin' back in time,  
there've been other friends and other lovers,  
but no other one like you.  
All my life, no one ever has known me better.  
  
Old friend, there were times  
I didn't want to see your face  
or hear your name again.  
Now those times are far behind me.  
It's so good to see your smile.  
I'd forgotten how nobody else  
could make me smile the way you do.  
All this time, you're the one I still want beside me.  
  
December 24th 2005 - New York  
Moments later they were sitting in a small coffee shop. Neither of them knew what to say, where to start. They just looked at each other. They had both changed so much.  
Niles looked different, more independent, and more confident.   
CC on the other hand look vulnerable, sad, depressed.   
"How have you been?" Niles asked when the waitress had brought them their coffee.  
"Ok. I still work for Andrew Lloyd Webber. And you?"  
"I've been a songwriter now for a few years. Quiet successful I may add. I have worked together with Diane Warren on Celine Dion's come back. I've been living just outside New York."  
CC couldn't believe he was finally here. He was talking to her. He didn't seem angry. Tears started to fall again.  
"CC? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Niles worriedly asked.  
"Because I am wishing things that would never happen. Because I want things I can't have. I shouldn't have. I don't deserve." She sighed.  
"What? Why shouldn't you deserve what you want?"  
"You don't want to know Niles. You don't need me back in your life turning everything upside down, ruining everything again. God knows that's the only thing I do."  
Niles sighed. She was right, she would turn his life upside down. But if that's what it would take, he wouldn't mind. He missed her so much over the past few years. Even though she was the only one who had the power to hurt him beyond repair, he needed her. It took a lot of willpower, self pity and anger not to look for her.  
"See? We shouldn't have run into each other today. Let's just get back to our lives, forget we met today." CC said. Of course that was not what she wanted, but she wanted to save them from their own mistakes.  
"No CC. I… Really want to talk to you. There are some things I want you to know, that I want to show you. After that we can decide what to do."  
"You… you do?" CC was surprised. He was actually letting her back into his life. At least a little.  
"I do. Will you come to dinner tonight? My place? After all, it's Christmas eve, I'd hate to be alone."  
"Ok. But how will I get there?"  
"I'll send my driver up to get you. Do you still live in your apartment?"  
"Yes..."  
"Great. I'll see you tonight at seven. Dress up." Niles smiled and left CC.   
CC smiled a little. She would spend Christmas evening at Niles' house. This called for some serious shopping.  
  
Sweetheart the night is growing old  
Sweetheart my love is still untold  
A kiss that is never tasted  
Forever and ever is wasted  
  
For all we know we may never meet again  
Before you go make this moment sweet again  
We won't say good night until the last minute  
I'll hold out my hand and my heart will be in it.  
  
December 24th 2005 - New York  
She came home a few hours later with new clothes and even a few gifts for Niles. She had bought a long an elegant dress. It was black, with sequins. It wasn't flashy, just classy. She saw that it was already 6, so she quickly started changing. Just as she finished putting on make-up she heard the telephone. It was the door man telling her her ride had arrived. She grabbed her bag and the gift and got downstairs. Niles had arranged for a limousine to pick her up. Well, if he was writing songs for Celine Dion, he could afford this too. CC got in, and to her surprise Niles was in the car.  
"Hi" She blushed. He looked gorgeous in his tuxedo. And the way he was looking at her was making her feel uncomfortable.  
"Hello. I couldn't wait, so I thought I'd join you in the ride back." He patted the couch next to him.  
She crawled over and sat next to him. She took the gift and her bag up on her lap. "Nice." She said nervously.  
"Yes. What is it you have there?" Niles asked eyeing the package.  
"Nothing. It's silly."  
"Nothing is silly CC."  
"It's a gift for you. For Christmas." CC said looking up at him. He looked so caring. There was no way he would hurt her with a look like this on his face. But he didn't know what she had thought these past years. Maybe he would pull back when she had shared her thoughts with him.  
"A gift? Wow." Niles smiled.  
CC handed the gift to Niles. "I hope you like it. It's just stupid."  
Niles unwrapped the gift carefully, and opened the box. In it was a beautiful clay angel, with wings made of real feathers. Niles was speechless. It was so gorgeous, so peaceful. He didn't think CC would ever buy something like this. "It's… It's…"  
"Silly. I told you."  
"No… It's gorgeous. It's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever gotten me."  
CC smiled at the comment. "When I saw it I just knew I had to give it to someone I… someone that's…" CC looked away. She wanted him to know how much he meant to her, how much he always had meant to her. But how would he react?  
"What CC?" Niles put his hand on her shoulder.  
"Niles? I am going to be completely honest with you. So please… Believe me." CC said when she looked at him again. She was so scared. She had never been more scared in her life.  
  
Look at my face. I know the years are showin'.  
Look at my life. Still don't know where it's goin'.  
I don't know much, but I know I love you,  
and that may be all I need to know.  
  
Look at these eyes. Oh, they never see what matters.  
And look at these dreams, so beaten and so battered.  
I don't know much, but I know I love you,  
and that may be all I need to know.  
  
December 24th 2005 - New York  
"Ok… what?"  
"When I left.. The way I did it was terrible. The way I acted was terrible. I owed you a lot more. I still do. What you did for me was so fantastic that I refused to believe it. Nobody ever did something like that for me. I started making up stories that I started to believe. That it was me who brought success to the firm. That I deserved every ounce of success I got. That I didn't have to feel bad. But I did Niles. I loved every minute of being successful, but the way I was treating you… That made me feel bad. But I didn't think I could have success without ordering everybody around. Without being distant. That offer from Andrew Lloyd Webber was an easy way out. I could have success without having to face you. Then when I saw you at that party I lost it. I couldn't believe what I had done. When you told me you would sell the firm, I knew I had screwed up. You were giving me up again. I felt so bad. After you left, I searched everywhere for you. I couldn't find you. I searched every day a little for the past three years Niles. Every night I dreamed about you. I was so worried. I thought you could be dead, or ill, or hurt. Or that you had married. That you never cared. Sometimes I drowned myself in my work. Other times I was so distant that nobody could get through to me. I have no friends anymore. I am alone Niles. All alone." CC was crying now. "What I was going to say, I care for you Niles. You are the only one I care about. I… I love you. No matter what you say or do. If you send me away, if you are angry with me, I understand. I've been so bad to you. But I know you cared. At least I know that."  
Niles was speechless. She loved him? She had searched for him? "CC I… I don't know what to say."  
At that moment the car stopped and the driver opened the door. CC stepped out of the car and saw the most gorgeous house she had ever seen. It was big. The walls were white, and it was lit on the outside. It looked real old.   
Niles took her hand in his and let her inside.  
"Let me get your coat." He took her coat and hung it in the hall closet. "Let's go to the living room, wait for dinner to be ready.  
They walked into the living room and CC was taken back by the beauty. In the living room stood the biggest tree she had ever seen. There were at least a million lights in it. It was filled with golden balls and other ornaments. In the rest of the room there were candles burning. The whole interior was in an old style, with lots of wood. The end of the room had an opening leading to another room, where CC could see the piano standing. The walls were covered with and CD's and LP's. On another wall CC saw a golden record and a few platinum ones.  
"Welcome to my humble home. I hope you like it." Niles led CC to the couch.  
  
So many questions and still no answers.  
I climb and climb but never get the view.  
But when I hold you near me sometimes I feel so clearly  
the only truth I'll ever know is me and you.  
  
In my heart I long for inspiration.  
And in my soul I know someday I'll find salvation.  
I don't know much, but I know I love you,  
and that may be all I need to know.  
  
In my heart you're my inspiration.  
And in my soul I know love is our salvation.  
I don't know much, but if I know you love me,  
that will be all I need to know.  
I don't know much, but if you say you love me,  
that will be all I need to know.  
  
December 24th 2005 - New York  
"Niles, this is gorgeous. It's… prefect. You can be real proud of it." CC smiled. She was still nervous, he hadn't really reacted to what she had said in the car. She had no idea if he believed it.  
An elderly lady came in and asked them what they wanted to drink. A few minutes later they both sat down on the couch with their wine. CC now noticed the fire place burning. It was all so very romantic. But she wished she knew if he was serious about all this. If this was romance or friendship. If she had blown her last chance with him.  
She tried looking at him, but when their eyes met she looked away. She stood and walked to the music room. She scanned the records and CD's. From the looks of it he was really famous. She knew most of the songs from the radio. Niles had followed after her, and was standing at the piano. He was still looking at her.   
"Stop it Niles." CC said. She was very uncomfortable. She was also very nervous.  
"What?" Niles wondered.   
"Stop looking at me. It makes me feel uncomfortable." CC said turning to him.  
"I can't help it CC. I can't believe you are finally here. I missed you so much. I… I don't know why I never came to you CC. Maybe I was scared that you had moved on. That the same things would happen as before. History repeating itself so to speak. But I never stopped thinking of you. You are the main inspiration of my songs. Of my work. Your still a part of me." Niles moved to the piano and sat down. He started to play.  
Then he started to sing. CC recognized the song. It was Shining Star… She had heard it on some soft rock radio stations.   
  
Honey you are my shining star  
Don't you go away  
I wanna be right here where you are  
Until my dying day, yes I do  
  
So many have tried  
Tried to find a love like yours an mine  
But don't they realize how you hypnotize?  
Make me love you more each time, oh  
Honey I'll never leave you lonely, yeah  
Give my love to you only  
To you only, to you only  
  
Honey you are my shining star  
Don't you go away, no  
I wanna be right here where you are  
Until my dying day, yes I do  
  
Feels so good  
When we're lying next to each other  
Lost in love, lost in love  
Drifting along on a cloud in love  
Oh baby when we touch I love you so much  
You're all I ever dream of  
Honey I'll never leave you lonely, yeah  
Give my love to you only  
To you only, to you only  
  
Honey you are my shining star  
Don't you go away, no  
I wanna be right here where you are  
Until my dying day, yes I do  
  
Feels so good  
Feels so good  
When we're lying next to each other  
Lost in love, lost in love  
Oh baby when we touch I love you so much  
You're all I ever dream of  
Honey I'll never leave you lonely, yeah  
Give my love to you only  
To you only, to you only  
  
In spite of all we know  
How little we know  
In spite of all we see  
How little we see  
I only know you and me  
Together forever  
You are my shining star  
Yes you are  
Shine on, shine on, keep on  
  
CC had tears in her eyes again. She had gotten so emotional without him. Niles had looked so loving, so serious yet happy to her when he sang it. And it was lovely. She knew it was written for her. She knew it was written in love. He loved her. But still, she needed to hear it.  
"CC?" Niles stood in front of her, and put his arms around her waist. "What do you think?"  
CC looked in his eyes, trying to stop being so insecure. He wasn't going to hurt her, not with that loving look on his face. "I loved it. Did you write that?"  
"Yes. I was short on cash so I wrote it a long time ago. But even then it was all about you. My life has been about you since I met you CC. Never mind what you said or did, or what I said or did. You are my life CC. Since the last time we saw each other I haven't been with anybody else. I just couldn't. I know how much it hurt me to see you with Kurt, I thought if you feel even an ounce for me what I feel for you, I couldn't do that to you. And now I'm happy I didn't. I love you CC. With all my heart."  
CC looked up, scared. This was the first time they had both said it. That they both fully believed and accepted it. And she was so scared she was going to screw up, or worse, wake up tomorrow and realize it was just another one of her dreams. But in his eyes she found the confidence she needed. He cared, and he believed. She broke down, and clutched to his chest sobbing. "Oh Niles. I missed you so. I… I…" She didn't know what to say anymore. Everything was finally going to be ok.   
"Ssshhh honey. I am here now, and so are you. I'm never letting you go again no matter what either one of us says or does ok?"  
CC looked up, and with a smile on her tear stained face she kissed him. She finally kissed him, like she had kissed him 10 years ago.   
  
The End…  
  
The song list:  
When your life was low - Bette Midler - Bette  
It's too late - Bette Midler - Bette of roses  
Every road leads back to you - Bette Midler - For the boys  
For all we know - Bette Midler - For the boys  
All I need to know - Bette Midler - No frills  
Shining star - Bette Midler - Bette  
  
  
I wrote this story a while back, just after I had gotten Bette's new CD. I heard the song "When your life was low" and immediately thought of a story. Of course I would like to thank some people. First of all my best friend Jeannie, without her pushing me to write every single day this baby would NEVER be finished J. Next Fran, Charles, Daniel and Lauren for making the show so wonderful. Last Bette Midler for singing such gorgeous songs.  
  
Love  
Sara  


   [1]: mailto:sara@myxs.nl



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